Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!
It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.
Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.
Today’s focus is: Say Goodbye to Feeling Selfish
This topic has evolved for me over time. What does “say goodbye to feeling selfish” mean? At first glance, we probably think about how hard it is to let go of our daily responsibilities just long enough to embrace a personal interest, but is that it? Is that all there is to feeling selfish and is it that easy to just let go?
I mean, where did the idea that we’re selfish begin for us? We’re not born believing we’re selfish human beings. This goes deeper than that. Really deep. And, if we feel like at our core we are truly selfish, how will we ever be able to dedicate the time, space, and energy we need to create, to evolve, to flourish, to deeply love?
How will we ever feel worthy of success or abundance if we are heavily rooted in the belief that we don’t deserve these things because we’re not good enough?
I think the fundamental idea we need to prove to ourselves first is that we are good. So let’s start there, let’s prove it. Here’s what I would like you to do: I would like you to take some time to look past what you think you already know, to look past what anyone in your life has told you, and I want you to write down some facts. Just list examples of when you know you did good for someone. Think about times when you sacrificed your time, your effort, your energy, your money. Think about the times you have prayed for someone, times that you sincerely wished well for someone, think about how you have shown love to others.
Here’s why this is important: You may have been a bratty, selfish teen who was trying to fit in and put friends before family, but are you that person now? Have you been that person for the past twenty or thirty years? Or maybe the person who called you selfish used that term to get you to do what they wanted, because, in reality, they’re the selfish one? Maybe no one called you selfish at all and you just assumed people thought you were because of a story you created in your own mind about a situation?
The funny thing is, none of that stuff matters, that’s why we need to focus on facts. So, first make that list of all the good you have done in the world. See that you are not a selfish person, that you’re, actually, quite a giving person who has true and pure intentions. Someone who wants good things for others.
Know that people who believe they’re selfish are most likely not selfish – why? – because a selfish person would never put the time into caring about how what they want impacts others. Wow, that would be a big contradiction!
I will warn you that gaining this awareness is not a magic cure. Even when you see the facts on paper, you will probably make excuses about how you have done good things but that doesn’t make you a good person. If this is you, you will just need to continue to prove to yourself that you are good.
Continue to revisit this in your mind daily – and sometimes you will have triggers that set you back. Especially because people who believe they are selfish have the hardest time protecting their personal boundaries.
OK, so let’s say that you got this down. You made your list, you’re proving to yourself, “Hey, self, I’m a pretty damn good person, I’m not selfish at all,” and you are reinforcing that idea daily through your giving thoughts and actions – what next?
Do a chore a day.
Sounds so simple, right? It is. Do whatever you need to do to feel as if you’re pulling your weight in your world so you can spend untethered time on something you’re passionate about!
You may be laughing at the idea of having to do only one chore a day, maybe you typically do twelve? But, maybe you’re someone who is currently struggling to get even one chore done a day?
There is really so much to say on this topic that I know I’m going to struggle keeping this episode around ten minutes, so I am not going to beat around the bush here.
If you are someone inundated with chores, always racing around to get it all done, with no time left for yourself – ever, like nowhere in a week can you find a few hours for you, you need to look deeper into that for yourself. Something else may be going on, like staying busy stops you from facing reality, like you don’t feel worthy enough to focus on you, like you are making yourself a martyr. If this is you, before you can move on with any other ideas shared here, make sure you take an honest look at this. Discussing this with a loved one, friend, or therapist, journaling about, and being honest with yourself is really helpful here.
If you are someone who struggles to get even one chore done, you have to remember that decluttering your space will declutter your mind. This may be as simple as doing the dishes or organizing your junk drawer or cleaning out the refrigerator. Whatever is wearing on you, tackle it in pieces. You can always tell the health of my mental state by my laundry room: if it’s in chaos, so am I, if it’s under control, so am I.
So… let’s start this by understanding we are worthy of time to ourselves to feed our interests. Then, let’s see responsibility and creativity as equals! Next, let’s make a plan!
The Four Simple Steps to Guilt-Free Creativity
1) Make a “Do List”
– Label your To Do list by days of the week:
*Labeling this list “Do Monday” will set the expectation that you will attempt to complete these tasks on this specific day
*Rather than having one large list, this breaks down your responsibilities into
smaller chunks, helps you prioritize, and helps help pencil in time for you
– Include on this list everything you want to accomplish on that day:
*Include the chores, the hours you will work, appointments you have, phone calls you need to make, questions you need answered, the dinner menu, any exercise, reading, or journaling plans
*Include your creativity goal
– Mark things off as you go:
*At the end of the day, try to fit in what you missed – maybe it’s your stretches or your meditation, maybe you can change your nail polish right before bed (I know
it’s risky, you’ll have to wait until morning to see if they dried without blanket wrinkles!) Checking items off the list is pretty motivating, I’ve been known to make a mad dash late at night. I’ve been seen on the couch nails wrapped in aluminum foil soaking of my gel polish, heated eye moisturizer mask prescribed by my doctor on my face, and headphones on getting my meditation in – that is some multi-tasking! I feel so good afterwards.
*Whatever you don’t get to, don’t sweat it, just add it to tomorrow’s list.
*Take a moment to look at all the things you did get done! Be proud of yourself.
2) See Yourself as Important
– What lengths would you go to if your child wanted to learn a new instrument, take
dance classes, or become an athlete? Would you talk them out of it? Would you fill them with fear and doubt? Would you make excuses over money and time?
– Or would you make it happen because you love them that much? This is how much you need to love yourself. This is the kind of support and encouragement you need to show yourself. Do not feel selfish – just love yourself as much as you love everyone else.
– If you want to fill yourself with love, joy, and abundance give of yourself. Care about
others, help when needed, show kindness, care, be connected, be compassionate.
– Give without any expectation of reciprocation. Give without being attached to what
the other person does with it. Let’s say you gave someone a meal or money and they gave
it away to someone else, this does not change your act of kindness. And, who knows why
they did what they did. That’s not part of your story.
– Remember: You cannot feel selfish when you’re giving.
4) Make Believing “I am Good” a Habit
– Revisit the knowledge that you are good by writing a new list of facts that prove it.
– Change how you view yourself.
– Change how you value and honor yourself.
– Believe in yourself – this is the foundation of the Law of Attraction.
– By doing these things, you control what you actually accomplish!
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I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: Selfishness is such an important topic. Feeling selfish runs deep, it holds us back, it controls us, and in the end, it will have been pointless. Let go of whatever created this in you the best you can, and keep working at understanding how truly good you are. Make believing in yourself a habit. No one has the power to change this narrative but you – and that is only a decision away.
Remember, you Motivate Me!