Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!
It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.
Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.
Today’s focus is: Say No to Negativity
Nothing is more detrimental to our goals and our mental health than negativity. And in order to make change in our lives, we can’t allow naysayers and emotional drainers and doubters to dissuade us or invade us.
Before we get started today, let’s talk about what negativity is and where we often see it.
The Oxford English Dictionary’s definition of negativity is “the expression of criticism of or pessimism about something.”
First let’s talk about a few obvious places we can easily spot negativity, and then we’ll talk about why it keeps showing up in our lives.
First: The Internet
As much as I love the Internet, it’s an absolute breeding ground for negativity.
– People come on intentionally to antagonize others – and sometimes even to “troll,” as they say, which means to post inflammatory statements just to watch people fight
– People are cruel to each other – they say things to people they probably would not say in
person (Or at least I hope they wouldn’t!)
– People judge each other and their opinions or actions harshly (without even knowing
details to a person’s story)
– People log on to “rant” or “vent” (I can tell you right now, if a post starts with either of
these words, I scroll right on by – there is no value in that for me?)
As much as you may love your coworkers, work can become a feeding frenzy for negativity.
– People hone in on what’s wrong, instead of finding solutions because then they can
play the victim
– People like to complain because, as they say, “misery loves company”
– People show their value under the guise of dissatisfaction (“Look at everything they
have me doing!”)
– People dissuade each other because they don’t want others to become more successful
Third: Loved Ones
The attitudes and opinions of close friends and family carry the most weight for us and their negativity impacts not only our actions but our belief in self.
– They dump their emotions on us, sometimes often and often abruptly
– We feel a sense of responsibility for their happiness
– They try to control us through fear – to keep us safe
– They cause us to doubt – to keep us from being more successful than them – because our success will make them feel like less
These are just a few examples, but I’m sure it’s easy to identify the negative situations and people in your life.
My question to you is: Why does this negativity keep showing up for you?
Here is my guess: The Law of Attraction dictates that whatever we put out into the world comes back to us multiplied. If this is so, could you just be getting back to you the negativity you yourself are putting out into the world?
Maybe you’re thinking right now that this is impossible because you are a kind, solutions-based, non-gossipy kinda gal. But can I ask you to look one more place? A place where only you inhabit? A place where all things you stem? How is your internal dialogue?
Are you one of those people who encourages and supports others? Someone whose heart hurts when someone you know can’t see their own worth, yet you beat yourself up every chance you get? What names do you call yourself when you’re frustrated with your own actions, when you had cookies the same day you started your diet, when you made a mistake at work, when you forgot to pack your child’s snack for camp: “stupid,” “idiot,” “loser,” or worse?
We are so hard on ourselves. And negativity is so detrimental to our person.
I do have some amazing news, though: We can control the negativity in our lives.
The first step is to know where you will encounter it and the next step is to nix it! Because regardless of any situation or any person, no one controls our feelings but us. We cannot control others but we can absolutely control how they make us feel.
I have made a list for you of the ten ways you can nix negativity in your life and let positivity become your habit!
1. Remove toxic people from your life
– delete the toxic people (those that you can) from your social media, your e-mail, your phone contacts (don’t forget, you can “silence” people online without deleting them
2. Make the decision to be a positive person.
3. Do not judge. Appreciate people for who they are and where they’re at in their journey. This is not always easy, but if you take a step back and look at the big picture, you’ll understand that we’re all just learning… including you.
4. Actually believe your positive thoughts: Yes, you are awesome! Yes, you got the promotion because you are the best candidate, not because no one else wanted it!
5. Flip the Script in your head: When negativity creeps in, change the narrative. For example: Your coworker didn’t ignore you this morning because she doesn’t like you, she just didn’t see you, or she was in a rush, or she has something on her mind.
6. Understand that the cliché “ignorance is bliss” works in your favor – let’s say your coworker did see you and didn’t say hello… that’s her problem, not yours, and you’re better off believing that “she just didn’t see you, or she was in a rush, or she has something on her mind.”
7. Assume the best to attract the positive! Because why not? How will assuming the worst in any situation change the situation, make the situation better, or help you in any way? That was so nice that your mom bought you new bath towels – it’s not because she thinks your old ones are ratty, it’s because she knew you’d like them! (We can get so negative about the actions of our family, can’t we? About what we THINK their intentions are.)
8. When you see and feel the negativity brewing, pivot! Find a way to leave the situation.
9. When you feel yourself becoming negative, refuse the thought and distract yourself with a positive thought about something else- do not entertain negativity.
10. Truly love and accept yourself. Just know that you are awesome – you are perfectly imperfect, just like God intended!
When you don’t play the negativity game, people will stop bringing it to you because you will make them feel small. So rise above it. Put positivity out into the world and THAT is what you will get more of in your life.
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I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: When you refuse negativity, positivity becomes who you are, and what you put out into the world you get more of. This new habit will help you easily identify and walk away from negative people and situations. You will feel the weight of it, like a sickness, and you won’t tolerate it in your life. Remember that it’s all a decision, and if you’re like the rest of us, your internal dialogue will be your greatest conquest.
Remember, you Motivate Me!