Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 11:47 — 10.8MB)

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

How do you know when you are in “flow state”? What is “relaxed awareness” and what’s its connection to the creative process? Learn about all of this, as well as how to conjure up your flow and how it is connected to serving others.

MM561- Find Your Flow State

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!

It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.

Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.

Today’s focus is: Find Your Flow State

Wow. Flow State. Have you ever been so engrossed in what you’re doing that you’ve lost track of time? Have you ever been so involved in something that you’ve forgotten to eat? Has sleep ever become unimportant to you, and all you wanted was uninterrupted time with whatever it is you were working on? Maybe you were making a painting or a quilt or a webinar or remodeling a room?

You may think that achieving flow state is a freak thing that only happens to the chosen, but I believe there are actionable steps you can take to encourage flow state.

If you don’t know my story or what inspired this season of Motivate Me!, I suggest going back and listening to the first episode: Episode 532. Part of my story is that I’d been divorced from flow state for a few years, but then in an event that I discuss in Episode 532, I was inspired to aggressively seek myself again. To get my head and heart back in the game. Finding my flow is what brought me back to you. I became excited again. I started creating again. I wanted to help others again. And this is what I want for you.

Before we move forward, let’s get a clear definition of what “flow state” is. Stick with me here, because gaining this new understanding was an enlightening experience for me, and I’m hoping it will be the same for you.

Many of the guided meditations I do are preceded with spiritual teachings, something I really enjoy. One of my favorite meditations is by Mindvalley and its titled, “A Relaxing Guided Meditation to Boost Creativity.” (You can find it on YouTube.) It’s here that I heard a definition of “flow state” that resonated with me. The meditation guide said that to be in “flow” simply means to be in a state of relaxed awareness.

OK. But, what does “relaxed awareness” mean? If “relaxed” means to “know without doubt,” and “awareness” means “knowing that you are not and never will be alone.” That “you are aware of the help and guidance of a higher power.” Then “relaxed awareness” means that you know without doubt that you are not alone, and you are aware that you’re being guided by a higher power.

This is a pretty deep definition. But, as a writer, I have to tell you that I’ve experienced this. Writers are always looking to find solutions when writing stories. How best to show their audience without directly telling them? How best to move the plot forward? How best to describe characters indirectly without just listing details? It’s much more interesting to find out that a character has an addiction when the writer describes the bottle of pills that fell out of her purse, rather than simply stating it.

I have sat back in my chair while writing or jumped in the shower or taken a walk to get distance from my work, so the answer would “come to me.” It may not be not right away, but the answer always comes… sometimes even in my sleep. I have always believed that these answers come from a higher power, and I know I’m not alone in this.

So the idea of relaxed awareness and its definition in the meditation track struck me because it’s an understanding I have, and have had, for some time. Relaxed awareness is faith in the creative process, simply put.

Have you ever felt an energy shift when you’re working on something? An excitement and a knowing that everything will work out the way it’s meant to? A knowing that you will find the answers and resolutions you’re seeking for your project? A knowing that you are not creating alone, that you are being guided?

Have you ever felt the energy that comes from that kind of belief? That kind of faith?

How about when we used to watch Michael Jordan play basketball when he was “in the zone.” Where he couldn’t miss a shot. Did you see that game where he closed his eyes on the foul shot line and made the basket anyway, as if to say to the other team that he was “in the zone,” and “on fire,” and that he was untouchable. That was a great moment. Man, I miss Michael Jordan!

But in other news, other athletes and scientists, artists and entrepreneurs – all people – experience being in flow state. The question is: Can we capture this and can we control it? I am here to tell you that the answer is yes.

This whole season of Motivate Me! has been about the individual steps I took to reclaim my passion. I suggest trying every technique I’ve shared with you this season, but here is a list that is a big picture perspective geared solely towards conjuring up flow state.

1. Still the chatter in the mind to let ideas surface (through meditation or exercise or prayer or sleep or reading)

2. Explore ideas that surface through journaling (journal seeking answers)

3. Refrain from passing judgement on new ideas (be open minded)

4. Express gratitude (be thankful for everything: the new day, your home, love, everything)

5. Give of yourself to others as much as possible (a call, a text, a tip, a donation, a compliment)

6. Be relentless in steps 1-5

I did all of these things, and when I felt or thought something, I sat down and journaled. When I couldn’t figure out what I was feeling, I sat down and journaled… and immediately ideas came and solutions came.

I continued to do the other steps I talk about over this season, like give myself freedom of thought and physical space to create… and it happened.

It took some time, but in a matter of weeks, I began to feel the flutter of passion. People, for the first time in about four years I felt passion! And not only that, I began to see what I needed to do next on my path – and I couldn’t do it fast enough. I came to see that I was in flow.

I have had many conversations with people who don’t know what their passion is, and I have always wanted to find a concrete way to help them find it. Understanding how I could help others was the big revelation I made when doing what I’m suggesting here. Understanding how I could help others is what put me into flow.

So find what you can do to help others. Aggressively seek this answer. That is where flow state lives.

We would love to hear your thoughts. Join us in our Private Facebook group: Motivate Me! Support System and checkout MotivateMePodcast.com for anything else.

I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: We have interviewed almost 450 people about passion. Every single one connects back to how we can serve others. Every. Single. One. Finding your connection to this using the steps we talk about here and the steps we’ve provided this season will help you discover this. And when you do, you will be so on fire that you’ll be looking to purchase a “Don’t Talk to Me I’m in Flow” T-shirt.

No… I don’t know if anyone is really making flow T-shirts, but if you find one, let me know!

Being passionate about doing something that will serve others is the answer.

Remember, you Motivate Me!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 12:01 — 11.0MB)

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

In this episode you will come to understand the meaning of collaboration, and you’ll learn it’s importance to our creative lives! You will explore the different ways you can work together with others, and you’ll receive four easy ideas on how to seek out collaborative partners.

MM560 – Embrace Collaboration

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!

It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.

Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.

Today’s focus is: Embrace Collaboration

First let’s discuss what collaboration is, then we’ll explore why it’s important in our creative lives, the different ways in which we can collaborate, and where we can seek to find it.

I can only speak for myself and my husband when I say that we have had a history of being stingy with our creative and entrepreneurial plans and ideas. Have you been this way? We were always very guarded about sharing our ideas with other people and completely closed to combining forces with anyone. We have had business ideas in the past, product ideas, book ideas, website community ideas, this podcast, and more.

Now trust me when I say, I believe we need to be very smart about how we do this. We need to make guidelines and boundaries, some in our own minds, some verbally with others, and some things need to be established legally on paper. My goal in what I would like to speak with you about today is really just the opening up of your mind to the idea of collaboration.

To collaborate with others simply means to work together on a goal or project.

When I think of the term collaboration, the arts are the first to come to mind, especially musicians. My nephew is a musician and producer out in Los Angeles and nothing is more free or open than the jam sessions he has with his peers. He’s living in a house with five other artists, and he has a white board set up in the house with a schedule for their collaboration times. They have writing sessions, brainstorming sessions on music and the business end, they have jam sessions. All they want to do is push and support each other and make great music. It’s pretty spectacular. They’re living their dream and striving to make it in their industry.  

Think about all the famous musical collaborations of our time. We wouldn’t have had David Bowie and Mick Jagger’s, “Dancing in the Street,” or The Beatles and Eric Clapton’s “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” – or so many other amazing songs – without collaboration.

Now here’s the thing about working with other people: We can only approach projects with our personal perspective that stems from our personal experiences and skills. Let’s say I want to start a craft business. I want to get a table at the local market and sell my crafts. OK, great. I can make a really great candle. The quality and color and scent is awesome! But I’m limited. I’m limited in my abilities to take my candle idea any bigger than presenting them in some type of glass container – as pretty as I may be able to make them look, I don’t have the tools or knowledge to do more.

But I have a friend who says, “Oh, wow. Your candles are great, I could cut and stain wood and make iron candle holders for them, would you be interested in combining forces?” The idea of working together may make you nervous. But you think about it and you decide to combine forces.

Next thing you know, another friend loves what you’re doing, and this friend is computer savvy, something you are definitely not, and not something your other friend has no time for. This person offers to set up an Etsy account and says they’ll handle posting pictures of the products, they’ll handle the processing of the orders, the packing, and the shipping. Wow. You just started a whole store, and all you’re doing is what you were good at in the first place – making candles.

Maybe your candles were great for Christmas and Easter, but your one friend who is doing the wood and metal work is also Jewish and offers to make a minora. And your other computer savvy friend, who is a little younger than you, tells you how the new craze is receiving a monthly box from different companies. People can sign up to have clothing items or make up items shipped automatically to them monthly – why not do a candle of the month box?

So, here’s my point: First, we need to share what we’re doing with others. Second, we need to be open-minded to new opportunities. That means we can’t be too tied to our original ideas, and we need to be open enough to entertain the suggestions of others. And third, we need to not be afraid to combine forces.

I am not saying to blindly trust; I’m saying not to be attached to the end result of this collaboration. I’m saying stay rooted in why you wanted to do this in the first place and love the process!

I know things can go wrong and people can disappoint you. This can happen just by even sharing your ideas and not signing up to collaborate. It happened to me and my husband. We shared an idea with some family, they took our idea and created their own version of it behind our backs. Their idea was unsuccessful and now we have no relationship. This is sad to say. In the end, I have to tell you that I’m glad it happened, because the character of these people was revealed. Because it meant that I could stop putting so much energy into caring about people who had no love for me. It hurt, trust me, but now at least I know.

But regardless of experiences like this, we need to share our talents and we need to support others in their endeavors. You know why? Because what we put out into the world comes back to us. Because the more we interact with people, the more they know what we’re about, the more likely someone will connect us to someone else that will help us grow and create even more.

Now sometimes, when we collaborate with others we are pushed out of our comfort zones. I’m pretty sure that’s the second most popular reason why so many of us avoid it. When I got back from flat and was so excited to share the steps I took to do that this season with you, my daughter, Mackenzie, offered to co-host and produce a Zoom program with me. Well, if you think for one second that I’d shrug off the opportunity to work with my daughter on something, then you don’t know me very well (haha).

So, even though I was very much out of my comfort zone, we did this together. And no, it was not my favorite thing, but I saw it through to the end, and I also created materials that I’m using here on Season 4 with you because of it – not to mention how much I grew from the experience. We learn so much from others, and if we opt out of these relationships, we learn less in life.

So, who can you collaborate with and how can you find them? Here are four easy ideas…

First, start with those you love. Bounce your ideas off them and really listen to their input. Consider this a brainstorming session. Don’t go in believing that you’ve already got it all figured out, but also don’t feel as if you have to act on their suggestions.

Second, look at your friend and business relationships. How can you and the people around you use each other’s strengths? How can you add value to each other’s lives? Just make sure you are giving to others before asking for anything.

Third, search online. There are so many online groups where people with similar interests gather. There are also groups where you can find local people. Get to know people this way. You can learn a lot about someone’s personal interests and skills online. Always remember to be careful when meeting them in real life – I know you know this, just needed to have a little mom moment with you.

Fourth, visit establishments that showcase your interest. If it’s crafts, find a market. If it’s cars, go to a car show. If it’s homebuilding or anime or romance writing, go to a convention. You get my drift. Get to know people there. Start conversations, give genuine compliments, ask for advice, pass out your card, exchange numbers, connect online.

Get out into the world with your ideas. Engage those you know and respect, and immerse yourself into the world of what you’re exploring. There is so much right at our fingertips.

We would love to hear your thoughts. Join us in our Private Facebook group: Motivate Me! Support System and checkout MotivateMePodcast.com for anything else.

I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: Collaborating with others is just another way to show our vulnerability. It’s another way to open the pathways in our creative brains. It’s one more way to surrender ourselves to the universe. What’s meant for us is coming; there is nothing we can do to stop it, but what we can do is free ourselves so we can enjoy it.

Remember, you Motivate Me!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 11:44 — 10.8MB)

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

Uncover what is preventing you from taking big action, learn the value of small steps, differentiate between the journey and the outcome, and determine what is in you to do!

MM559- Take a Big Action

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!

It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.

Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.

Today’s focus is: Take a Big Action

So here we are in Season 4 of Motivate Me! working our way back from being flat together, getting our heads and hearts back in the game of life. Some of us have been deeply impacted by the chaos of these times. My head has been swimming, too. So many of us have been sick, so many of us have long lasting effects from being sick. So many of us have lost loved ones or jobs or just the motivation to engage in life. So many of us are living in fear, worried about falling ill or worried about getting the vaccine, or not to get the vaccine, or worried about if other people have gotten the vaccine, or not.

And if you were already traveling through something and not feeling like yourself before all this, like me, then all of this just dragged you under deeper.

Here is my general rule of thought in all things “life” – I believe that I’m here on this planet to experience all of life, to feel all that life has to offer: the love, the fear, the change, the challenges, the joy, the confusion… all of it. And I may not always know the direction I should be heading in my life, but I do know that even that not knowing, that the wait-time, the pauses in my life that I may feel stuck in, it is all meaningful, it is all powerful, and it is all meant for me.

So, while I look around and cannot believe the state of our world and country right now, even though it scares the crap out of me and I fear for what the world will be like for my new grandson, I know that sitting idle and wasting the time I have here is not what I am meant to do. And I know that it is my responsibility to pull myself out of this because that action is part of what I am meant to experience.

So, if you’re with me on this, if you’re ready to take charge of what you can control, because let’s face it there’s a lot out of our control right now, then I suggest you visit each of the episodes we’ve shared with you so far this season because each of the small steps I’ve taken have gotten me to this episode: Take a Big Action.

In Episode 532, the first of this season, I share with you the details of how I’d fallen flat, about who and what inspired me to get my head and heart back in the game. All of this is what lead me back to you, because my passion, my calling, my person wants and knows that my purpose is to help you get your head and heart back in the game.

And, Motivate Me! Friends, I am telling you, you can bounce back so quickly and it will feel incredible! I don’t want to sound like a fortune cookie, but I mean it when I always say that we are only a decision away from changing our lives.

Whether you want to create art, lose weight, get in a relationship, travel, learn a new skill. It’s ridiculous how quickly we can change our lives. How quickly we can expand our person through new experiences and new people. If you’re home and unhappy, make the decision to change: add something new to your life or get rid of something old. I am pretty sure you know exactly what you need to do.

Start small with this change. I did. And then keep doing what you’re doing. Enjoy what you’re doing. And when you feel the excitement come to you, ride that wave, and don’t be afraid to go big.

This is what happened to me. I started doing all the steps I’ve included in this season. I was aggressively seeking myself, I had allowed myself the opportunity to become anything, to recreate myself AGAIN – but it brought me back to you. And I fought it. But it happened: I had a brainstorm that what I was going through, the steps to climbing back from feeling flat, could be exactly what you needed, too. It made me understand my struggle, my pause, my frustration with feeling stagnant. I believe I was meant to travel through that so I could share all of this with you.

My story is important to this episode because I had to make a decision. I had to decide if I was going to take the big action of reconnecting with you. There is a commitment in doing this that I take very seriously.

Mentally, I needed time to prepare for this, so with my brainstorm came the idea of starting slowly. That I would just share notes and photos with you of what I was doing on my Instagram. But, I quickly realized that some of my followers are only on Facebook, so I thought: “No big deal, I’ll just also share these steps on my business Facebook Page.” Then I realized that I needed to also keep my Motivate Me! Friends in my private Facebook group in the know, so I decided to share there, too. And well, I already had my Twitter account established, so I should share there as well.

Most important to know is how excited I felt about this. How good my person felt getting engaged with you again. Creating again. Having a voice and a point of view again.

I went from, literally, ordering groceries, cooking meals, and watching Netflix all day to reading and writing like a beast, to posting all over social media. To utilizing all of the avenues I had established years ago to communicate with you that had been lying dormant for years… except for one more thing: my podcast.

And I let that idea sit for a hot minute. I had been low-key, low-commitment minded. I wasn’t looking for the big action. So, I just got started with those smaller steps, but it didn’t last long.

I came to understand that I had more to say than could be translated in a social media post, and I had a website and podcast sitting there waiting to be used. I came to find out later that my podcast actually did need to be reinstated because I had turned a blind eye to it, feeling too disappointed in myself to check on its progress. During those few years, even hearing the word “podcast” filled me with self-loathing. Ugh, I felt like I’d failed. Like I’d lost. Like I let myself and my loved ones down.

But here I was, filled with happiness and joy again, and ready to push through that sadness and disappointment to get that podcast up and running! To get to you again! To take that big action – and I understood the commitment of this action. And here we are, 28 episodes in and only four more episodes to go for this season, and once again, I proved to myself that I can do big things.

And I have bigger things planned for after this. Because one small step leads to many small steps, which leads to big action, which leads to bigger actions – even if you experience failures in between. I’m on this path now, and you can be, too.

I’m sure you can feel my joy and excitement here? These are much different feelings than I had the first time around when we were starting this show. Then, I was so much more afraid of failure. I was so insulted when friends didn’t listen, subscribe, review, and share my episodes. Didn’t they know what it took to put myself out there like this? Didn’t they know what I was risking?

I’m in a different place these days, mostly it’s a place that has proven to me that despite it all, despite the opportunity for success and the risk of failure, empowering others is my purpose, and for now, doing this show with you and writing my books is my path.

It’s important for me and for you to understand that as we reach for whatever it is that’s calling us, we pay attention to the journey and not the outcome. I sure am growing from my time with you. I sure do enjoy this. And despite anything, success or not, it’s something I am called to do.

Thank you, for making my life more exciting and more meaningful.

We would love to hear your thoughts. Join us in our Private Facebook group: Motivate Me! Support System and checkout MotivateMePodcast.com for anything else.

I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: You don’t need to start your endeavors with a big action. I started with many small ones. But what you do need to do, is recognize when it’s time to take the leap into making it something bigger, and then do it. Not for any other reason except for the fact that it is in you to do.

Find the joy you want to have in your heart, it’s out there waiting for you.

Remember, you Motivate Me!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 13:09 — 12.0MB)

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

Have you been plagued with the question, “What is my life purpose”? Get your answers here in six easy steps! And bonus, find out what differentiates you from others who have the same purpose.

MM558- Uncover Your Life Purpose

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!

It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.

Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.

Today’s focus is: Uncover Your Life Purpose

I am really excited to talk to you about today’s topic, Life Purpose. Life purpose is kind of a controversial topic. People have their own ideas about what exactly life purpose means, if it’s a real thing, or not; if it matters if you “achieve” it over your lifetime, or not.

To me, the best part about the idea of a life purpose is that a) You get to a place in your own life and mind where your thinking is heightened enough to start questioning the idea “Why am I here?” And b) You go on your own journey of discovery, seeking knowledge about it. And that journey is a long one. It’s not about getting one person’s opinion and believing it, it’s about getting tid bits of information over time and piecing them together in a way that makes sense for you. Because similar to your life purpose, your discoveries and ideas about it are personal to you. Understanding what life purpose is and discovering your own is an intimate process.

I don’t know in which stage of this process you’re in currently, but if you’re like me, you hit a place or will hit a place in your search for purpose where you feel like all you’ve done is random and purposeless. That either you’ve bounced around and done many things and none seem connected and you don’t feel like you’ve arrived anywhere, or you feel like you’ve arrived somewhere, but it’s not the right where.

I want to share an activity with you that I created to help me figure out my direction and my purpose. I had completed a coaching program and was starting my podcast – but I needed to figure out what my podcast would be about? How could I help the most people with the amazing information and tools I had learned? Who did I want to help? What mattered most to me? What am I about?

So here are the six steps I took to figure all of this out. (I suggest pausing this episode as we move along and doing these steps with me, but feel free to revisit and revise your answers over the next few weeks. It took me three weeks of revisiting this process to find the answer I was looking for. And before doing this, I just could not see any of what I found here.)

Step One: I’d like you to make a list of all the jobs you’ve had in your life. For me, that included: working at a pizzeria, at a MacDonald’s, at a Macy’s, at a nuclear power plant, for an accountant, teaching high school English, running a karaoke business, being a Girl Scout Troop Leader, and more. So, Step 1, just list all the jobs you’ve had. (Feel free to pause here.)

Step Two: Look at your list of all the jobs you’ve had and circle the ones you enjoyed most. The ones that made you feel a certain kind of way. (When I was doing this, I remember looking at my list and feeling almost a sense of shame in how disconnected all my jobs seemed. I had gone to school to be a nail technician; I had gotten my real estate license… I look back now and see that I didn’t even put those on my list!) So, circle the jobs you enjoyed most.

Step Three: Of the jobs you circled, write a WHY sentence for each. Why did you circle them? Why are they important to you? What about them made you feel a certain kind of way?

Here are the three jobs I enjoyed most from my long list, and here are my WHYs:

• Karaoke Host – I enjoyed my job as a karaoke host because I could help people make friends and find belonging, I could create the kind of fun that pushed people’s boundaries, and I could provide a medium where people could showcase their talents.
• Girl Scout Leader -I enjoyed my job/role as Girl Scout Leader because I could expose my troop to new experiences that made them feel powerful and important, where they could be creative team players, and where they could formulate ideas and have a space to communicate them without judgment.
• Teacher – I enjoyed my job as a teacher because I could provide students with opportunities to achieve success where they could be in control, take creative risks, build relationships, and see their potential.

(So take the time to write a detailed sentence for each of the jobs you’ve had that really spoke to you in your life.)

Step Four: Identify similarities between your WHYs. What are the common denominators? (It is here that I started to find the connections I was searching for because I could see that while the jobs seemed very different, what moved me about them was very similar. So I paired this information down further.)

Here are my responses:

• I like helping others find a sense of belonging and belief in self
• It is important to me that others feel important
• I enjoy creating risk-taking environments that inspires personal growth

Step Five: Sum up your common denominators in one phrase (If it’s easier for you to put it in sentence form, that works too.)

• Phrase: belief in self, risk-taking, sense of belonging

Step 6: Distill this phrase down into one word – what does this phrase make you feel? This is your purpose. (You have to do some magic here, look at your common denominators and take a step back to see the BIGGER picture. What is the feeling behind it?)

• For me, the word is empowerment
• My purpose is to empower others

One of the biggest things I would like you to take away from this is experience is that life purpose is not a role that we play, it is a feeling we get. This feeling is what we need to be chasing.

Now, we know there are many other people who share our same purpose, so what makes us unique? It is these three final components that I’d like to share with you today that cause us to live our purpose out differently from others who share our same word.

The first component is the characteristics of our core self. Listen, when you leave this body behind, your soul will still be that energetic, giggly self, or it will still be that chill, methodical self, or it will still be that sensitive, gentle self. Our soul self or true self or our core self remains with us – this is your personality!  

The second component is our personal passions. Our personal interests must come into play when considering one’s purpose. Maybe activism is your word, but is your focus on marine life, rain forests, feminism, politics, race, gender, sexuality? Your interests are important; they determine your direction.

And the final and third component is our personal talents. While you may be a great public speaker, someone else may fear public speaking but be an excellent writer. You may be an amazing performer and get your energy from playing on stage with a band, but someone else may be a skilled teacher or producer in the same industry.

Know this: Our purpose is seen in everything we do. Big and small. If empowerment is my word, then I am going to bring it to every experience of my life, whether I am playing with my two-year-old neighbor, I am helping a friend pack her home, I am supporting my husband with his career, or I am writing a book about traveling the fifty states in ninety days to inspire people to live a life that is more exciting or more meaningful.

We would love to hear your thoughts. Join us in our Private Facebook group: Motivate Me! Support System and checkout MotivateMePodcast.com for anything else.

I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: No experiences are wasted experiences. They are all meant for us. We are meant to take away knowledge, skills, and lessons from all of the roles we play in life. There are stepping stones that may look like diversions and there are pauses that may make us feel like we’re stagnant, they have each brought us to where we are now and each leading us to where we go next.

Find the common denominators that will prove to you who you are. It’s who you’ve always been. Then use your interests and talents to get that feeling you love so much back into your life.

Remember, you Motivate Me!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 14:29 — 13.3MB)

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

Get ready to identify your fears, find out the key ingredient to facing them, and take actionable steps to move through them. We got this and we can do it together!

MM557 – Battle Fear – Nix Excuses

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!

It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.

Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.

Today’s focus is: Battle Fear – Nix Excuses

My goal today is to give you actionable steps that will help you identify your fears, control them, and dispel them, so you can get out of your head and into achieving your goals.

Today’s episode is chock full of information. For the time being, kick back and listen in. After you do, you can head over to motivatemepodcast.com where all of this information is in print for you in the show notes. Just click on this episode and the show notes will appear.

So, fear… I understand fear. The night before the crew I’d hired came to town, I was having dinner with my daughter. She had come to spend time with me before I ventured out on my ninety-day trip to interview people in each of the fifty states about passion. I’m pretty sure I looked like a crazed woman during our meal. I was unexpectedly overwhelmed with fear. I’m sure it was the feelings I had of not wanting to leave my home, my husband, my daughter, and my new puppy. I’m sure it was because I was going to be gone for a long time. I’m sure it was because I was taking a completely blind step off of a very high dive.

But mid bite of I don’t even remember what, I just started to shake. The kind of shake that makes your hands tremble and your face quiver. And tears just started to stream from my eyes. Now, my daughter was 24-years-old, she wasn’t a young child, but she didn’t know what was happening, and it was apparent that my fear was scaring her. I remember her saying, “Oh my God, Mom.” Like, what’s going on? So on top of what I was feeling, I needed to find a way to comfort her.

I looked at her with calm and honesty and napkins in my hand, and I said, “Mackenzie, don’t worry, I’m fine. What you’re seeing is fear. Sometimes fear can affect us physically. I’m sorry, I don’t want to scare you. I’m going to be fine.” And after a pause that included deep breaths and nose-blowing, I told her, “This is not a bad thing, and it’s not a bad thing for you to see, because you’re going to watch me push through this.” And she did.

Whew. I get emotional just thinking about this.

Now, my trip is an extreme example in many people’s standards, but any of us can have a similar reaction to any type of challenge we face. Especially, I feel, when these challenges are self-induced. I mean, did I HAVE to put myself through this? No, I could have very easily stayed in my comfort zone.

In any case, the first thing we have to do is acknowledge our fear – especially if we’re allowing it to hold us back from achieving our dreams or goals. Many of us make excuses for why we’re not doing what we’d really like to do, instead of identifying it for what it is: we’re freaking afraid.

We’re afraid we’ll fail. We’re afraid of what others will think about us. We’re afraid we’re not smart or talented enough. We’re afraid we’re not young, pretty, or fit enough. We’re afraid we’ll look dumb, etc.

It’s important to know that the reason we stay inside our comfort zones all stem from our ego. Our ego communicates with us through our internal dialogue and uses the fear we create to control our actions.

Two previous episodes come to mind for me when I think about the ego, so if you’d like to hear more on that, you can check out Episode 555, “Say No to Negativity” and Episode 550, “Experiment with Your Craft.”

But the bottom line is that we can control the ego and the mind. We get to choose what we believe. All we have to do is flip the script on our internal dialogue. Let me give you an example of what I mean here.

Maybe this idea: “I don’t have enough experience” is holding you back. But, what if you change that notion to “I have a unique experience worth sharing”? The idea that I have a unique experience worth sharing is the affirmation I use to share my ideas with you.

Do you see what I’m doing here?

Here are three more examples of how you can “flip the script”:

We can change the negative thought, “People won’t find what I have to say important” to the positive idea that “Many people share my interests.”

We can change: “People won’t like me” to “Not everyone will like me, but many will.”

We can change: “I am too old” to “I bring the kind of wisdom that comes from experience.”

You know, there is really ONE main idea that we keep revisiting in one way or another throughout Season 4 of Motivate Me! One main thing we MUST do in order to come back from flat and regain our passion again. To sum this main idea up in one word, it’s “control.”

Here’s a list of The Seven Things We Need to Control to Battle Fear and Nix Excuses:

            1) our direction in life

            2) our egos

            3) our beliefs

            4) our decisions

            5) our internal dialogue

            6) our feelings

            7) our actions

I understand that life takes its turns and things like accidents and illnesses sometimes take priority. But even during those times, we can dream and we can envision the future we want for ourselves, so that when the time comes we’re ready to act.

For some of you this conversation is making you anxious. Why do you think that is? What thought are you having right now that makes you nervous about taking control of your direction, inner dialogue, and life? I’m going to give you a second to think about this, and then I’ll take a gander. Maybe you need to hit pause for a second?

Is it my turn now? Here’s my guess: Is it your self-doubts?

I happen to have an activity prepared for you that will help you Kick out Your Self-Doubt, and after that, we are going to get into the elephant in the room that we need to address!

To Kick Out Your Self-Doubt, when you get some quiet time, I would like you to answer these five questions (You can search Motivate Me! with Lynette Renda on Facebook or Instagram to see printed versions of this activity).

1. What you would like to achieve?

2. What is your top self-doubt?

3. What is the worst-case scenario of you attempting this?

4. What is the best-case scenario if you attempt this?

5. How will trying to achieve this change your current situation?

Here are my answers to this as an example:

1. I would like to achieve getting my book about traveling the fifty states in ninety days published.

2. My top doubt is that the book won’t be good enough to get published.

3. The worst-case scenario if I attempt this is that I’ll take the time to write it and it won’t get published.

4. The best-scenario if I attempt this is that I could get my book published.

5. Trying to achieve this will change my current situation because I will have no regrets about not writing a book about my trip, I will always have a book I wrote about my trip, I will make connections with people in the publishing industry, and I could possibly receive feedback that will help me better the book.

Now, writing a book is just extremely time consuming but the risk is low. You may need to invest money or change careers, or you may just need to start a side hustle or volunteer. I’m not sure what fears and doubts you need to move past and why. Maybe you want to audition for the local theater or want to get the courage to sing karaoke. This exercise will work for all doubts big and small. Put it on paper, look at it, determine if you’re allowing fear to deter you.

So, here is the elephant in the room we need to address.

We need to distinguish between excuses and obstacles, and we need to provide you with the right armor BEFORE you begin your battle.

What’s an excuse? It is a made-up illusion we create when we’re afraid to proceed, one we use to make us feel better about not doing what we know we should.

What is an obstacle? It’s a hurdle that pops up on our path to going for what we want.

There’s a fine line between excuses and obstacles and that is simply wanting it badly enough!

So what if we prepare for our obstacles before we even encounter them?

It is as simple as these two steps:

            Step One: List three obstacles you project encountering on the path to achieving your                                    goals.

            Step Two: Write a solution for each of the obstacles you project encountering on the path                                          to achieving your goals.

You and I both know that you are aware of what your challenges will probably face. Maybe it’s childcare, maybe it’s marketing knowledge, maybe it’s transportation?

Find solutions for these obstacles BEFORE starting. Maybe you can swap babysitting dates with a friend, maybe you can take a short marketing webinar or sit down with a knowledgeable friend, maybe you can figure out how to use the transit system to get where you need to be.

We would love to hear your thoughts. Join us in our Private Facebook group: Motivate Me! Support System and checkout MotivateMePodcast.com for anything else.

I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: I have given you solid actionable items to work on here. Hopefully, you don’t find it overwhelming. Hopefully, you take some quiet time to revisit this information and apply it to yourself. There’s so much in our control, and yet, we pretend it isn’t. It’s human to be afraid, but we can move through the fear if we see that our doubts are unfounded and that we can resolve our obstacles before we begin.

I am just like you. I’m moving through my own fears and doubts, and I’m leaning on my problem-solving skills to prevent me from being deterred.

We can do this. We can do this together.

I’d really love to know what you’re working on achieving, big and small, so come find me, friends!

Remember, you Motivate Me!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 10:57 — 10.0MB)

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

Description: Too often we allow feelings of perfectionism to stunt our progress. Find out if you’re a perfectionist, learn why, and see how it’s holding you back. Next step: complete the Push through Perfectionism Activity to understand that you win the majority of the time – even when you feel far from perfect!

MM556 – Bail on Perfectionism

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!

It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.

Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.

Today’s focus is: Bail on Perfectionism

Too often we allow the idea of perfectionism to hold us back. We let it stop us from attempting something new, and we let it stop us from creating.

Let me give you some examples. For starters, I never saw myself as a perfectionist but my husband and daughter started pointing out some of the ways I do things differently than them. For example, the way I cut vegetables! My husband used to be a line cook for Perkins, so breakfast at our house can be pretty spectacular. Since I’m his prep cook, I start cutting the vegetables for our omelets and home fries before he gets to the kitchen.

I, basically, got kicked out of the kitchen because I take “too much time” cutting the peppers, onions, and mushrooms because I try to make them all the same size. Isn’t that what you need to do so they cook evenly? My husband comes barreling into the kitchen and he cuts everything in the same haphazard way he folds his laundry or makes a ham sandwich. That’s something I can never understand: throwing all the ham into the middle of the bread in one big lump. You can bet that my ham is dispersed evenly throughout the whole sandwich. I will tell you something, though, his tastes better!

My daughter is similar to my husband, she’ll approach a project and boom! it’s done. And I’m on the other side of the room not having even started yet because I’m feeling anxious about it not coming out right. Of not having exactly what I need to do the job.

I, literally, write with mechanical pencils because I don’t like seeing things crossed out on my paper. Even though I’m only writing notes or journaling. Pen is a big commitment, you know what I mean?

But here’s the thing: If we don’t act on an idea in the first five minutes from the creation of it, chances are we never will. And in order to act this quickly, we have to get past our feelings of perfectionism.

When I finished my undergraduate degree in English and Education, even after all of my student-teaching experiences, I didn’t feel ready to be in the classroom. I didn’t feel educated enough. I felt imposter syndrome, I felt like maybe if I had a master’s degree I would be better prepared.

My husband’s like, “What do you need a master’s for, you just got your teaching degree, that’s what it’s for?”

I said, “I don’t know, I don’t feel ready!”

Our perfectionism is driven by fear. Fear that we won’t be smart enough, talented enough, attractive enough, perfect enough. We have to determine a jumping off point. We have to decide to take that leap of faith. We have to accept the fact that we will be nervous, that we may feel like a fake or a fraud, and that once we do get started, we may need to pivot or edit. But if we don’t act at all because we are too scared of not being good enough, or because we never feel ready, we stay stagnant and risk becoming bitter and resentful.

I really had to push past these feelings when I got the idea to travel the fifty states in ninety days interviewing people about their passion.

I did act in the first five minutes by sending a message to someone I knew to see if she’d be interested in accompanying me on a trip like this as my assistant. But here I was a new podcaster and new professional coach, I had just resigned from teaching to work on this career, and I was talking about taking this huge, very expensive, very timely, very complex step.

So much could go wrong. And the timeline only allotted me so much time to prepare – but honestly, would I ever REALLY feel prepared for a trip like this one? I go into detail about how I acquired a crew and planned the trip in Episode 533, if you’re interested in that, but important to note here is that I had A LOT to push through to go through with this trip. Like all the things I just mentioned and the fact that I was a 48-year-old chunky mother figure who just decided to hit the road and interview people in each of the fifty states. I needed to buy equipment, I needed a new van, I needed to learn how to run body mics and record, and edit the show from the road.

There was a huge learning curve in a lot of areas and many points of exit where I would have been justified in cancelling this trip because I felt ill-prepared.

But I pushed through and I know you can too!

Here’s what I’d like you to do: I’d like you to make a list for yourself of all the things you’ve done in life where when you started you were panicked. I want you to list them all, and when you do this, envision yourself at the start. Reconnect with the feelings you had at the start. Make your whole list!

When you’re done, I want you to go back to the list, start at the top again. Look at what you have written there, envision how you felt at the end of that moment in time, and write a number. I want you to write a number on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best) that represents how confident you felt when this moment in time came to an end.

Now listen, I am not saying you won’t have a thing or two on your list that you think you could have been better off not doing, and I’m not saying you won’t look at something on your list and wish you did it differently. But I think you will overwhelmingly see that much of what you pushed yourself to do is what’s shaped you as a person and moved you forward in your life.

So do this for your entire list.

Walking into teaching, I would have given myself a four on this list, but when I left, I would give myself a nine. Walking into my Fifty States in Ninety Days trip, I would have also given myself a four on this list, and after completing it, I would have also given myself a nine. I’m seeing a trend here. For me, I am tough on myself and the fours are because I feel I have so much to learn, but they are no lower than that because I know my intentions are true and I have a want to be all-in. On the way out, I feel confident and capable but know there are always things I could have done better. Always people I could have treated better. And maybe this is my perfectionism creeping in, but I am good with nines, I am proud of my nines.

This list you just made would be really great to share with a friend who thinks that you are braver than them, that you always have it together and are never fearful. Or maybe there’s a child in your life who would benefit from seeing how human you are; that you have had to push past fears in your life, too, but that you emerged on the other side glad you did.

We would love to hear your thoughts. Join us in our Private Facebook group: Motivate Me! Support System and checkout MotivateMePodcast.com for anything else.

I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: The truth is that if we allow perfectionism to keep us grounded, we will have no one to blame but ourselves. And yes, we may try something new and feel like we failed. Or when we look back, we may see all that we should have done differently. But we will have walked away stronger, smarter, more interesting, and more knowledgeable than we would have ever been. And most importantly, we will never have to wonder what if… Remember, you Motivate Me!