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Revisit what it means to feel “flat. Be inspired to take a small action in a direction that will get you loving your life again. Get ideas on actions you may find inspirational! This week’s “truth talk” – at the end of the show – is a personal one. Lynette knows that together, we can find passion in life again.

MM551- Take a Small Action

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!

It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.

Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.

Today’s focus is: Take a Small Action

Somebody asked me recently what it means to feel flat; what it means to “come back from flat”? So before we talk today about taking a small action, I think we should clarify our goal.

If you’re new to Season 4 of Motivate Me!, I suggest listening to the first episode of the season, Episode 532, where I go into detail about my personal journey into and out of feeling flat.

But for right now, here’s the nut shell version: Feeling flat simply means you’ve lost your verve or your passion for engaging in life and for being creative. That you’re not moving forward in life, you’ve stopped striving for something you used to really desire, you’re not taking part in things that previously made your life more exciting or more meaningful. That your head and heart are just not in the game.

I fell flat after traveling the fifty states in ninety days interviewing people about their passion. Once I got all the interviews from the trip edited and posted on my podcast and on YouTube, and my responsibilities for the trip were over, I crashed. Not because I wanted to but because I was unclear of my next moves, so I began to wait it out, and during that, I allowed life to swallow me up. That’s kind of it.

But then the pandemic and quarantine came and I fell further, which is what I go into more detail about in Episode 532. But the outcome was that I drew a line in the sand and made the decision, because that’s all it is a simple decision, to reconnect with myself and my passion for life again. And I began to aggressively seek myself again. The secret to all of this is just to make an intentional effort.

The steps I took to do this are what we are sharing with you all through this season. It’s the tips, tricks, and techniques I used to get my head and heart back in the game. To get back to being excited about something again. To get back to creating. I knew what I needed to do, so I just got back at it, and these are things anyone can do, that’s why I’m sharing them. All we need to do is make the decision.

Life can change so quickly for the better and the worse. Have you ever had an experience where you met a new person and your whole perspective on life changed? Whether it was a romantic partner or a new friend, but you just felt so amazing about yourself and about what life now had to offer? Or have you ever started something new and it just opened up a whole world you didn’t know about?

Like for example, I was just on the International Volunteer Headquarters’ website where you can select a country and get involved in helping their community, whether it’s teaching or building or community projects. The United States has opportunities on there too. Imagine how exciting getting involved in something like that could be? The people you would add to your life, the new experiences you would have.

It’s like when we step out, the world opens new wings up to us. I experienced something similar to this when I joined a new exercise program and again when I started taking classes at the community college. Life shifts like this for us when we take small actions and it’s exciting and fun and illuminating, and it moves us in our next direction.

Did you have desires that you know you’ve detached from? Was there a college degree, a promotion, a business, an art project, a health and fitness goal, a book idea, or something else that you know you want to achieve but you’re just in a funk? That’s what feeling flat is. If this is you, I’m glad you’re here because our goal is to help you get your mojo back. Whatever that means for you!

Now, this isn’t where I tell you what your next move is, what the small action is that you need to take. I will give you some ideas on that, but this is where I tell you that moving forward begins when you take that one small action, the one that is personal to your unique talents and interests. You may know what that is right now, you may need to journal and meditate to figure that out.

All of the tips, tricks, and techniques I share with you are meant for you to make your own. They’re meant for you to travel through in your own time, space, and order. I’m sharing them in the order they worked for me, but it’s your job to do some introspective work, to take time for yourself, and to figure yourself out.

Find the time and make yourself a priority, our lives are only what we make them.

I’m going to share with you an example of a small action I took when I started out on this journey, and then I’m going to give you more ideas of simple small actions that may or may not pertain to you.

I’d been following the steps I’ve already shared with you this season. I was reading, taking notes, and journaling for starters. And in doing so, I noticed that two of the authors I was reading got book deals through publishing an essay on Medium.com. They each wrote it, submitted it, it got a ton of likes, and they were approached with a book deal.

Well, wow! It had already crossed my mind to tackle an essay about my fifty states in ninety days trip, and since the book is a much longer process, why not write an essay and submit it on Medium.com? I loved the idea and you know what? It was free to do, there was no danger in it because I could always decide not to publish the essay after writing it, and the essay-writing process would be great prewriting for the book. It felt like a win-win all the way around. All I had to do was decide to do it and then follow through.

I immediately got to writing. I wrote the essay and I sent it to two lifelines: 1) my daughter because she’s one smart cookie who always has great feedback and is really current, and 2) a friend who was in my master’s program and is a college English professor whom I adore. (Now notice, these are people I trust with my heart and mind, people I know will give me helpful and honest, but kind, feedback.)

They gave me pretty exceptional editing ideas and I applied them.

Did I submit this essay yet? No. You know why? Because writing it was the small action and submitting it is much bigger. I wasn’t ready then – but maybe I am now! You see this? Because of you, my Motivate Me! Friends, I’m feeling encouraged to submit my essay on the day this episode airs. At the end of each episode, I tell you that you motivate me, and I mean it… see!

I am just like you. I am taking small actions, I am fearful, I am brave, I desire to love the life I live. We can do this together.

So, I promised a list of small actions that may inspire you to get on this train with me and accomplish some cool stuff!

Here it is: The Small Actions Inspo List

– deeply listen to music (this inspires all art forms: writing, painting, photography, dance, etc.)

– create a Pinterest board (of whatever piques your interest: interior design, fashion, woodworking, all the different diets and cooking styles, make up, etc.)

– leave your gear out (want to walk more, get to the gym, rollerblade? Leave your gear where you can see it.)

– make a vision board (map your brain to achieve your desires – start believing)

– verbalize your ideas (but only to supportive people, find the language for your idea)

– put your ideas on paper (and let them grow there – brainstorm)

– research social media (is there a tribe of people you can connect with online?)

– research your community (is there a tribe of people you can connect with in real life?)

– play with the materials of your craft (feel them in your hands, smell them, envision what you will do with them)

We would love to hear your thoughts. Join us in our Private Facebook group: Motivate Me! Support System and checkout MotivateMePodcast.com for anything else.

I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: If you know anything about Motivate Me!, you know that we’re all about: Envision. Explore. Execute. Well, if I were to take a guess, I would think that you’ve envisioned yourself doing whatever it is you want to do long before now. And if I were to take another guess, I’m thinking you have done some exploring about it. So now it’s time to execute one small action in the right direction. You don’t even have to pick up a pen if you don’t want to, it can be as small as you need.

Motivate Me! Friends, you are what I’m hoping to accomplish. Helping you to live a life that is more exciting and more meaningful, one you are excited about living, has been my goal from the start of this show over five years ago. I picked up this project, I created it from nothing, I searched deep into my person to find out what truly mattered to me, and it was you.

I tried to put you down. I tried to walk away. I couldn’t. I’m back at it again, trying to reach you from a different angle, because helping you is who I am. I don’t know how to explain this any differently, I just know I wish this same passion for you. And I know we can get there together.

Remember, you Motivate Me!

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Here’s an example: You’re a great writer but are having trouble getting that novel published! Have you ever thought that maybe non-fiction or essay writing would be a better fit for you? Have you ever thought about sharing your love for writing in other ways, such as becoming a teacher or translator? All sorts of great ideas for you here!

MM – 550 – Experiment with Your Craft

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!

It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.

Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.

Today’s focus is: Experiment with Your Craft

I’d like to start off this episode with a favorite quote, it’s a Buddhist proverb that says: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” Some people feel proverbs have one specific meaning, but that’s not the way I look at it. I feel they’re like songs and poetry: we connect to them in our personal way, and our interpretation of them changes over time as we evolve.

Here’s what I mean, my first experience with this proverb was when I was in college to become a teacher. As a teen, I was much more focused on my social life than school, so I got off to a slow academic start, and I didn’t go to college until I was in my 30s. So when I first saw this quote, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears,” I felt like it was speaking to me.

At that time, I took it to mean that until a person (the student) is ready to learn, the teacher is just not visible. And no matter how hard or long the teacher tries to reach the student, until the student is ready, the teacher might as well be trying to get a tangible hold on something like smoke or water. It’s impossible.

On the other hand, when the student is ready to learn, the student will seek out the teacher, and they’ll go to great lengths to do their learning. Which is what I did when I was ready.

From my first year of teaching high school English on, this quote has always had a place in my classroom. Of course, the irony is that I’d gone from being the blind student to the teacher who was now trying to grasp in my students what isn’t, necessarily, tangible.

What I did do is try to help my students see what I couldn’t at their age, and I did that by enlisting them in my process. The reality is, I learned more from my students than they did from me, which is the second experience I had with this proverb. I came to understand that we’re all students and we’re all teachers. I let them know that I was learning from them, and in doing that, I empowered all of us.

My third and final experience with this proverb is its connection to the ego, that to be an authentic student, one must shed their ego. And that’s a really humble, vulnerable, and daring place to be!

I’ve spoken about ego on the show many times before. Ego is what controls our feelings and inspires our action or inaction. It’s our mind where all that thinking and overthinking comes from.

The ego’s intention is to keep us safe and keep us comfortable, but it does that through keeping us afraid. Afraid of failure, afraid of looking dumb or silly, afraid of physical harm, afraid of risk. Our ego is what keeps us inside our comfort zone.

So what does all this have to do with experimenting with our craft?

We have to allow ourselves to become the vulnerable student again. We have to give ourselves the freedom to “try things on for size.” We need to broaden our perspective: Am I in the right niche of what I’m doing now, or can I use what I’m good at in an entirely different field?

You may be someone who’s already aligned with your passion, or you may be someone who’s trying to figure out what your talent is. Either way, how will a pastry chef know if he should be making and decorating cakes unless he experiments? How can a novelist know if they could also be a poet if they don’t try it? How will the corporate attorney know that they’d rather be a public defender if they don’t explore? Or how will the science professor realize she is better suited for cancer research if she never considers it?

I always think about country music star Darius Rucker at times like this, do you know who he is? You probably know him as the front man for Hootie and the Blowfish! He went from rock a sensation to a country sensation. That took guts.

What’s most important about this is that experimentation doesn’t just breed creativity; experimentation creates who we are and the life we live. And as far as your ego is concerned, it will be on this journey with you, and you will either let it limit you or you will limit it.

So, if all of this is so important, why do so many of us choose not to explore when it comes to our gifts and talents? Why do we stay pigeonholed where we are or never take chances?

Here are some basic reasons why people choose not to experiment with their craft:

– we’re afraid we won’t be good at it

– we’re afraid of what others will think about us

– we don’t want to look dumb or silly

– we fear we’re letting other people and their expectations down

But, here’s the thing: exploration is a process, it’s not a permanent decision. It is no harm, no foul to envision yourself taking your gifts and talents and using them in a new way. I put together a list of seven simple tips that will help you take your craft to the next level – or to a different level.

7 Tips to Help You Level-Up Your Craft

* Read and watch movies (about others in your field – learn about their life and work)

* Play (without having expectations of the outcome of what you’re creating)

* Take yourself less seriously (let creativity in)

* Take yourself more seriously (believe in yourself)

* Let go of judgement (your own and that of others)

* Practice positive self-talk (You’re the best, baby! Say it with me!)

* Invest the time it takes to better your craft (beauty is painful!)

We would love to hear your thoughts. Join us in our Private Facebook group: Motivate Me! Support System and checkout MotivateMePodcast.com for anything else.

I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: We take ourselves and the opinions of others too seriously. We take life too seriously. Leave your ego at the door, envision other ways you can utilize your talents, and then experiment. Our goal is to get our head and heart back in the game, to reclaim our passion, what if the reason you aren’t all in is because you have been missing the target? Find the target and you will find yourself again.

Remember, you Motivate Me!

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When your whole body is activated you get excited about life! You get inspired and motivated to participate in the world! Connect with what sets you most on fire, get suggestions on how to activate that, and receive tips on how to get your loved ones on board when they fall short of seeing what is important to you in this process.

MM549 – Get Your Blood Pumping

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!

It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.

Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.

Today’s focus is: Get Your Blood Pumping

I have a disclaimer for today’s show: This episode is not a lecture on the benefits of exercise! And I have to tell you, of all the tips, tricks, and techniques I used to get my head and heart back in the game when I fell flat, this technique is one of my absolute favorites. And I think it’s one that most of us just don’t do enough.

I’ve come to understand that from a very early age, freedom has been a core value of mine. The day I got my driver’s license remains one of my most favorite days of all time. I was, literally, hooting and hollering for ten straight minutes at the top of my lungs on my first solo drive.

Another example of when I felt deliciously free was when I moved from New Jersey to California eight days after graduating high school. I only knew one person who lived there, and I knew before I went that two months after I got there, he’d have to go out to sea for six months. But, I wasn’t scared by this, I was excited by it!

Then there’s our podcast tour where we traveled the fifty states in ninety days interviewing people about passion. I’ll tell you something about that, I did feel fear before I headed out on that bad boy trip, lots of fear. But once I hit the open road, it was like my heart split open and I experienced actual bliss. I felt so alive. I felt so free!

Can you feel my blood pumping in these examples?

Now, here’s the thing, we can’t do one thing, no matter how big it is, and ride that out for the rest of our lives. If we don’t continuously nurture this side of ourselves, we will continuously lose ourselves, and we disengage from the world, our passions, and joy. In this way, it is like diet and exercise, this is another way we sometimes “let ourselves go.” We need to do things that excite us often, and when we’re off, we need to recalibrate.

So, let’s talk today about ways we can get our blood pumping again because this will increase your motivation, ignite your excitement about life, make you more creative, and improve your mood – and who doesn’t want all that!? And after I share my list of ideas with you, I will share a struggle I’ve been having within my marriage about exactly this.

OK… so if you want to feel great but you’re short on ideas on how to push yourself into that, here’s a list of SOME things to consider:

-get in the sun – for some vitamin D

-connect with nature – especially walking barefoot in the dirt

-take a risk – call that guy, invest in that stock, take that trip

-play like a kid – get on your bike (I’m in love with my electric bike), paint with your fingers, role play

-tire out your body – go for a hike, do yardwork, clean your basement

-meditate – you know I’m a fan! It can be exciting!

-watch a scary movie – not my favorite, but it will get your blood pumping

-listen to music – make different playlists: one for stretching, one for outdoors, one for cleaning, one for sexy time

-be curious – learn all the things! Why is NJ the only state where people can’t pump their own gas? How was the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup really invented? What’s Pink’s real name?

-visit new places – go on an adventure, explore, try new foods, take pictures

-plan a surprise – that always gets my heart pumping!

-make plans – to see friends, to see family, to relax, to have coffee, to go boating, to get excited for the future

-exercise – hit it hard or take it easy, but we can’t talk about getting our blood pumping without including the physical body

A favorite of mine is to do something that intimidates you. What intimidates you? Have you ever gone on a solo trip? Like, taken a flight, rented a car, explored a place you’ve never been all on your own? Even if you stay with friends or family, have you ever given yourself this kind of space? Space to think, space to make decisions that pertain to only you, like, where to eat or which route to take?

Recently, I spent a week back in New Jersey. I did just what I was saying above, I flew alone (without the dog or the husband), I rented a car, I drove all around New Jersey and Pennsylvania. I visited my dad’s grave alone. I ate and drank what I wanted, took the routes I wanted, listened to the music I wanted – and because I was alone, I could even wear headphones in the airport. Doing that is like giving life a soundtrack, it was amazing.

I love to travel with my husband, but I’ve been married since I was nineteen, so this was a new experience, and I wasn’t sure why, but I was having a lot of feels.

During flight delays and all the air time, I had a lot of time to analyze these feels. I was also able to speak to many female friends and family members in all stages of life and relationships about what I was feeling and get their perspectives.

Timing is everything, and this trip was right on time for me.

Let me share with you how my thought process evolved: I started thinking about if I was single. I asked myself: What are the first three things I would do if I suddenly found myself single? (If you would like to try this exercise, stop here and take a few minutes to really consider this. I suggest writing down your answers.)

If you decided to put us on pause to make your list, welcome back!

The first thing I would do if I suddenly found myself single is make less of a big deal about meals. I thought it was interesting that this came up for me, especially first. I’ve never really thought about this before, but the funny thing is, I’d probably save money and lose weight if I did this.

The second thing I would do is drive a convertible, instead of a minivan. I thought it was really wild that I had this idea, too! I have been considering the idea of having a convertible just because it’s so freeing, but in this scenario, I also saw something else. I, all of a sudden, felt like if I’m a single person I don’t have to worry about taking care of other people, I can focus on taking care of myself. I like to have a bigger car and bigger home so I can accommodate other people. I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else. So I envisioned myself in a small, cool car and even pictured a small, cool living space.

The third thing I would do is allocate money to attend professional development workshops and some kind of retreats. I’ve always wanted to do this, but my husband isn’t into it because he already does this kind of thing at work. Well, I don’t get to and I think I’d enjoy it, so I want to do it.

So, these are my three big things. Nothing crazy. In doing this little exercise, I had a big realization, though: I was irritated. And I was irritated because I felt trapped.

My go-to was, of course, to blame my husband for my feelings, because this had to be his fault. His asking, “What are we doing for dinner” or saying, “I don’t want to get into another car payment” or me having to justify to him why a professional development opportunity is worthwhile.

I felt like a cat trying to get out of a bag. I felt trapped and suffocating… I just want to do what I want to do, stop controlling me, I can’t get excited about life if you are holding me down. These were my thoughts.

Is he, though?

I am well aware that no one can make us feel any kind of way. We make ourselves feel what we do. And I know this, so what’s really going on?

I looked at the three things I would do if I were single again, differently this time. And I realized that if I boil them down further, I think what I want is to simply worry less about others and do more for myself.

That this isn’t about anybody but me.

Now, I am sure you have come to the same conclusion I finally came to: Why do I have to be single to do this? I don’t! And I also don’t want to be single, I adore my husband – I just want to be free. We can be free and still be married and still be a mom and still have a career and still be all of these things together.

We just need to have the freedom to do things that get our blood pumping!

Unfortunately, this does not mean that we may not be met with resistance.

Sometimes it’s difficult to get what we need; family, responsibilities, and money come into play. Sometimes we know we need to do something for ourselves but somebody doesn’t see its importance, which makes us wonder if they see us and our happiness as important? And sometimes we feel resentful because we are made to justify what we want, like we need permission, like we’re begging for our own freedom.

All I can tell you is that each of our situations is different, but here are four tips that will assist you in getting a partner on board when you feel the urge to take part in an experience that they may not quite understand.

1. Know what you want and be able to clearly state it.

2. Know what you will be willing to compromise to get it.

3. Don’t assume you know what another person is thinking.

4. Don’t be afraid to have difficult conversations.

We would love to hear your thoughts. Join us in our Private Facebook group: Motivate Me! Support System and checkout MotivateMePodcast.com for anything else.

I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: It is vital that we activate our feel good hormones! Doing this inspires us to participate in the world around us, it inspires us to create, it inspires the kind of happiness that we project to others, and when we do these things, we feel valuable and important, we impact the world and live our purpose.

And here is a bonus, ladies and gentlemen: When you engage your whole body in an experience, you are focused on the present…it is in the present that we find true peace and happiness.

Remember, you Motivate Me!

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We have the power to unlock the secret to childhood creativity and it is SO simple. Learn how to step away from the world, how to reinvigorate your mind, and how to find you again.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!

It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.

Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.

Today’s focus is: Unplug to Recharge

Listen, it’s no secret that in today’s society many people are trying to mimic the highlight reel they see of the lives others share on social media. And, it’s no secret that we pick up our phones twice as much as we think we do. The NY Post estimates that we pick our phones up eighty times a day, which is every twelve minutes. I’ve seen other reports that say that number is even higher.

For the record, I’m a cell-phone, Internet, social media, people-loving person myself who really enjoys staying connected with friends and family online. And I’m curious and I love to watch all different kinds of videos: true crimes, inspirational, historical, etc.… all the things. I get “sucked down rabbit holes” all the time, as they say.

If you’re not familiar, getting “sucked down a rabbit hole” looks like this: You think to yourself, “Oh, Billie Eilish has a new song out!” So you search YouTube, play the new song, then play three of her other videos, then watch videos about her life. Then you decide to search for footage about her and her brother recording their first album in their bedroom, which leads you to search to see if her brother has an album of his own. Yep, he does! So you flip through all his songs on the app Spotify. Then you go to Billie’s Instagram to see how her new album is being received and get sucked into reading pages of comments by her once adoring fans who are bashing her because they think she’s doing something called “queer-baiting” – because she titled one of her posts, “I like girls.” Now her fans think she’s just baiting a specific fan group in order to build her base.

On one hand, all this searching and watching was interesting and entertaining, it was also informative because “queer baiting” is new to me. On the other hand, I lost an hour of my life, and I walked away feeling horrible. I couldn’t stop reading the posts, one after the other, bashing Billie. And I thought, “Wow, fans! Where’s your loyalty?” Shouldn’t fans show support until they at least know what they’re bashing? Isn’t Billie allowed to be human? I understand what they’re upset at, but they’re making assumptions and they’re judging – judging harshly – and I’m not about it. It honestly made me super sad, it’s still resonating with me. Like, I hope Billie Eilish is OK right now.

I hope people who’ve been through this reach out to her. In the rabbit hole, I did see that she’s become friends with Justin Bieber, so maybe him or Pink or Gaga or Britney or Lindsay or anyone else who’s been put on the pedestal to be ripped down is giving her perspective.

I had a whole conversation about it with my husband because this is one of the ways celebrities end up in rehabs. Billie Eilish has a strong support system, I just hope it’s enough to get her through this, because she’s 19-years-old and that’s a crazy place to be in all of this.

Anyway, do you see how invested we can get when we get sucked down the rabbit hole? How much energy we put into things that have nothing to do with us, things we have no control over?

Now, I’m not saying to never explore random things and people online. Sometimes we do this as a family, and we learn new things about people, their life, their craft. I just found out some pretty interesting things about Louis Armstrong’s life! I’m just saying that sometimes we need to unplug from it all to recharge who we are, to evolve in our own right.

So, what does it mean to “unplug to recharge”? Here’s my definition:

To “unplug” yourself means to step away from the world at large and let your mind be still.

And to “recharge” yourself means to refresh and reinvigorate your state of mind.

So, what kinds of things is it important to unplug from and for how long do we need to do this?

In general, I recommend finding space and time away from the things on this following list, and doing this for at least thirty minutes once a week (much longer, if you can).

You will need to say NO to:

            – Internet

            – telephone calls

            – social media

            – YouTube

            – video games (all games)

            – television

            – music (optional)

The only reason I suggest avoiding music is because we’re constantly being stimulated by something, and nothing manipulates our emotions more than music. What would you think about and what would you do if you were surrounded by total silence? If you were sitting in a room and everything was just off? Just still?

Something would happen. If you didn’t fall asleep, your mind would probably become restless and very quickly you would start thinking about things, like, maybe I should paint these walls or make a pillow? Or where is that book I’ve been wanting to read? Or I should try that new chicken recipe for dinner tonight.

Or maybe your mind starts envisioning story lines or begins to hear new melodies or starts to plan a surprise for someone you love.

You may have experienced this when we were forced to quarantine if you weren’t busying yourself with distractions, like binge-watching television, scrolling through social media eight hours a day, drinking all that wine. I’m not here to judge. I had days doing all these things, that’s how I know what you need to get yourself back on track. That’s how I know that in order to recharge, we must unplug.

Here is the only thing you are not allowed to do during unplugged time – and it will be your first go-to! – when you have these delicious, creative ideas, you CANNOT pick up your phone. When the ideas come, jot them down, jot down a few notes to look into later. Yes, on paper – not on your phone. You don’t have a phone right now, remember? Just keep gathering ideas. Draw out your idea, create steps, do all the things, but the longer you wait, the more you gather this information, the more developed it will be, because you are giving yourself space and stillness to delve deeper.

So often we use all of the things we are plugged into as distraction, it’s a form of escapism that is different than but similar to drugs, alcohol, excessive exercise, a shopping addiction, etc. All of these distractions take our minds off of things. But if our minds are distracted, how will we ever grow or change or create?

If you really want to give yourself this opportunity, if you really want to see what could stem from this kind of quiet time, try to manage these four additional distractions, too. These will take more planning.

The first one is: Work

– Work is the first of these. It’s very easy to throw ourselves into making other people successful. And very often, work can bleed into our personal lives and drain us. Even if you’re someone whose work is a passion, getting that thirty minutes to an hour of quiet time a week could enhance the work you are already doing. Work/Life Balance is vital to the recharging process, so it’s important to value this time and honor it.

The second one is: Chores

– Chores are an obvious responsibility we can’t get away from, but we can absolutely give ourselves an allotted amount of time a week to ignore what needs to be done.

The third one is: Pets

– Pets seem like a silly thing to bring up here, but have you ever finished all your running around, you pour yourself a nice cold drink, you sit on the couch, and Fido goes into a full-blown temper tantrum? Exactly. And if you’ve only allotted yourself thirty minutes to unplug, then taking the dog out and getting their treat, their dinner, their fresh water, and then getting your head back in the right headspace could cost you at least ten minutes of your thirty! So take my advice, take care of any needy pets before you start your time.

The final and fourth one is: Relationships

– Relationships is the most important and final point I’d like to bring up. And when I say relationships, I mean any and all that leave you with a sense of responsibility. Yourpartner, children, family, neighbors, friends… whoever could commandeer your quiet time, physically or mentally. Again, plan ahead to get the most out of this time, and remember that you are not required to respond to calls and texts on demand. Your work lunch break may be the best time for you, when you are padded by your work day? And, maybe you can utilize these relationships to help you achieve your goals; could someone in your life assist you in getting this quiet time?

We would love to hear your thoughts. Join us in our Private Facebook group: Motivate Me! Support System and checkout MotivateMePodcast.com for anything else.

I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: What happens when kids are home and bored? They begin to create. They make forts and draw and have talent shows and play teacher. Make it your mission to find time to get bored! Unplug, be idle, stop the multi-tasking. I know some pretty important people and they manage to unplug – because none of us are so important that the world will not go around if we dip out for an hour. So claim your time, it’s yours to take, and see what you can create with it!

Remember, you Motivate Me!

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Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!

It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.

Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.

Today’s focus is: Say Goodbye to Feeling Selfish

This topic has evolved for me over time. What does “say goodbye to feeling selfish” mean? At first glance, we probably think about how hard it is to let go of our daily responsibilities just long enough to embrace a personal interest, but is that it? Is that all there is to feeling selfish and is it that easy to just let go?

I mean, where did the idea that we’re selfish begin for us? We’re not born believing we’re selfish human beings. This goes deeper than that. Really deep. And, if we feel like at our core we are truly selfish, how will we ever be able to dedicate the time, space, and energy we need to create, to evolve, to flourish, to deeply love?

How will we ever feel worthy of success or abundance if we are heavily rooted in the belief that we don’t deserve these things because we’re not good enough?

I think the fundamental idea we need to prove to ourselves first is that we are good. So let’s start there, let’s prove it. Here’s what I would like you to do: I would like you to take some time to look past what you think you already know, to look past what anyone in your life has told you, and I want you to write down some facts. Just list examples of when you know you did good for someone. Think about times when you sacrificed your time, your effort, your energy, your money. Think about the times you have prayed for someone, times that you sincerely wished well for someone, think about how you have shown love to others.

Here’s why this is important: You may have been a bratty, selfish teen who was trying to fit in and put friends before family, but are you that person now? Have you been that person for the past twenty or thirty years? Or maybe the person who called you selfish used that term to get you to do what they wanted, because, in reality, they’re the selfish one? Maybe no one called you selfish at all and you just assumed people thought you were because of a story you created in your own mind about a situation?

The funny thing is, none of that stuff matters, that’s why we need to focus on facts. So, first make that list of all the good you have done in the world. See that you are not a selfish person, that you’re, actually, quite a giving person who has true and pure intentions. Someone who wants good things for others.

Know that people who believe they’re selfish are most likely not selfish – why? – because a selfish person would never put the time into caring about how what they want impacts others. Wow, that would be a big contradiction!

I will warn you that gaining this awareness is not a magic cure. Even when you see the facts on paper, you will probably make excuses about how you have done good things but that doesn’t make you a good person. If this is you, you will just need to continue to prove to yourself that you are good.

Continue to revisit this in your mind daily – and sometimes you will have triggers that set you back. Especially because people who believe they are selfish have the hardest time protecting their personal boundaries.

OK, so let’s say that you got this down. You made your list, you’re proving to yourself, “Hey, self, I’m a pretty damn good person, I’m not selfish at all,” and you are reinforcing that idea daily through your giving thoughts and actions – what next?

Do a chore a day.

Sounds so simple, right? It is. Do whatever you need to do to feel as if you’re pulling your weight in your world so you can spend untethered time on something you’re passionate about!

You may be laughing at the idea of having to do only one chore a day, maybe you typically do twelve? But, maybe you’re someone who is currently struggling to get even one chore done a day?

There is really so much to say on this topic that I know I’m going to struggle keeping this episode around ten minutes, so I am not going to beat around the bush here.

If you are someone inundated with chores, always racing around to get it all done, with no time left for yourself – ever, like nowhere in a week can you find a few hours for you, you need to look deeper into that for yourself.  Something else may be going on, like staying busy stops you from facing reality, like you don’t feel worthy enough to focus on you, like you are making yourself a martyr. If this is you, before you can move on with any other ideas shared here, make sure you take an honest look at this. Discussing this with a loved one, friend, or therapist, journaling about, and being honest with yourself is really helpful here.

If you are someone who struggles to get even one chore done, you have to remember that decluttering your space will declutter your mind. This may be as simple as doing the dishes or organizing your junk drawer or cleaning out the refrigerator. Whatever is wearing on you, tackle it in pieces. You can always tell the health of my mental state by my laundry room: if it’s in chaos, so am I, if it’s under control, so am I.

So… let’s start this by understanding we are worthy of time to ourselves to feed our interests. Then, let’s see responsibility and creativity as equals! Next, let’s make a plan!

The Four Simple Steps to Guilt-Free Creativity

1) Make a “Do List”

            – Label your To Do list by days of the week:

                        *Labeling this list “Do Monday” will set the expectation that you will attempt to                                     complete these tasks on this specific day

                        *Rather than having one large list, this breaks down your responsibilities into

                        smaller chunks, helps you prioritize, and helps help pencil in time for you

            – Include on this list everything you want to accomplish on that day:

                        *Include the chores, the hours you will work, appointments you have, phone calls                                    you need to make, questions you need answered, the dinner menu, any exercise,                                   reading, or journaling plans

                        *Include your creativity goal

            – Mark things off as you go:

                        *At the end of the day, try to fit in what you missed – maybe it’s your stretches or                                   your meditation, maybe you can change your nail polish right before bed (I know

                        it’s risky, you’ll have to wait until morning to see if they dried without blanket                             wrinkles!) Checking items off the list is pretty motivating, I’ve been known to make a mad dash late at night. I’ve been seen on the couch nails wrapped in aluminum foil soaking of my gel polish, heated eye moisturizer mask prescribed by my doctor on my face, and headphones on getting my meditation in – that is                                some multi-tasking! I feel so good afterwards.

                        *Whatever you don’t get to, don’t sweat it, just add it to tomorrow’s list.

                        *Take a moment to look at all the things you did get done! Be proud of yourself.

2) See Yourself as Important

            – What lengths would you go to if your child wanted to learn a new instrument, take

            dance classes, or become an athlete? Would you talk them out of it? Would you fill them   with fear and doubt? Would you make excuses over money and time?

            – Or would you make it happen because you love them that much? This is how much you need to love yourself. This is the kind of support and encouragement you need to show yourself. Do not feel selfish – just love yourself as much as you love everyone else.

3) Give

            – If you want to fill yourself with love, joy, and abundance give of yourself. Care about

            others, help when needed, show kindness, care, be connected, be compassionate.

            – Give without any expectation of reciprocation. Give without being attached to what

            the other person does with it. Let’s say you gave someone a meal or money and they gave

            it away to someone else, this does not change your act of kindness. And, who knows why

            they did what they did. That’s not part of your story.

            – Remember: You cannot feel selfish when you’re giving.

4) Make Believing “I am Good” a Habit

            – Revisit the knowledge that you are good by writing a new list of facts that prove it.

            – Change how you view yourself.

            – Change how you value and honor yourself.

            – Believe in yourself – this is the foundation of the Law of Attraction.

            – By doing these things, you control what you actually accomplish!

We would love to hear your thoughts. Join us in our Private Facebook group: Motivate Me! Support System and checkout MotivateMePodcast.com for anything else.

I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: Selfishness is such an important topic. Feeling selfish runs deep, it holds us back, it controls us, and in the end, it will have been pointless. Let go of whatever created this in you the best you can, and keep working at understanding how truly good you are. Make believing in yourself a habit. No one has the power to change this narrative but you – and that is only a decision away.

Remember, you Motivate Me!

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What does it mean to emotionally detach yourself? What are the benefits to doing this, how can doing this help to build relationships based on respect, and how can doing this increase your personal support system?

MM546- Emotionally Detach Yourself

Hello, everybody, and welcome to this week’s episode of Motivate Me!

It’s Me! Time here on Motivate Me! and we are working on coming back from flat.

Before we start, let’s get into the right headspace. Let’s engage in the idea that this is time where YOU are the priority. Let’s take two slow, deep breaths to get us centered. Just follow me.

Today’s focus is: Emotionally Detach Yourself

Where did we start believing that if we don’t care with every fiber of our being, or become consumed with the lives of our loved ones, that we don’t care?

How many times have we allowed what our spouse or children are going through to consume us? I can think of many times I’ve done this. One example would be speaking to my husband during the work day and hearing about how he got ripped to shreds during a big meeting because he didn’t have something prepared. This will weigh on me all day, and at dinner I’ll empathize with him and how embarrassing this experience must have been – only for him to tell me that his boss realized that he’d never passed along the material and let everyone else know it.

Similarly, say I was concerned about a situation where my daughter called for a freak out session about a fight she got into with her college roommate. She’d get me all spun up, and I’d be concerned about her and the situation. But later, when I’d ask how things were going, she’d say that the issue had been resolved for hours or sometimes even days.

In both of these situations, I’m sitting over here with a knot in my stomach over things I have absolutely no control over. I’m distracted and less productive in my own life because I’m worried about my family – when their situations have been resolved and I don’t even know it.

Does this happen to you? I know I’m not the only one!

This is why I want to talk to you about the importance of detaching emotionally from friends and family. I want you to think of emotionally detaching as just taking a small step back from the details of their everyday lives. Think of this more as creating just a little bit of emotional distance, where you are just not quite so invested in the outcomes of their situations.

Why do this? Because it’s not your job to solve their problems. Why else? Because you need to be focused on what you’re here to accomplish.

I’ve learned a lot about emotional detachment, and I practiced it a lot until it became my natural behavior. I’ve learned that if it’s not in my control, I can give it less weight in my heart and my head. I have whole-heartedly accepted the idea that 99% of what we worry about never occurs, and that whatever my family experiences in their journey that is out of my control is meant for them and has nothing to do with me.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t care, I care a ton. And it does not mean that I love them less or am here for them less. I always want to hear about their jobs, their friends, their lives. These are my favorite people! I just don’t wear their challenges. I don’t own them. I don’t feel like I need to fix them. I focus more on asking questions that help them make their own decisions than giving advice.

So Motivate Me! Friends, the reality is that our focus should be on our own paths, and we should allow our loved one’s focus to be on their own paths.  Our lives will naturally and lovingly intertwine. We are all teachers and all students in each other’s lives, and I have learned so much about my family and myself from creating some emotional distance.

On one hand, it’s freeing to let go of feeling responsible for everyone else’s happiness. We think we do, but we really don’t have control over other people’s happiness. This is a personal journey based on a person’s perspective on life and their decision to be happy.

And on the other hand, it’s empowering to take control of our own happiness, and to allow ourselves the time and space to do that.

Something else that you may not expect from taking an emotional step back from your loved ones is how this will make them feel. At first, they may buck because they are used to you jumping in and solving everything, or caring to the point of worrying. But once they adjust, they may begin to feel more capable in making their own decisions, they may feel more respected by you because you are showing confidence in them. And here’s the best part, they may begin to mirror your modeling and start to show and give you and your desires more respect and support. And isn’t that a beautiful thing?

We would love to hear your thoughts. Join us in our Private Facebook group: Motivate Me! Support System and checkout MotivateMePodcast.com for anything else.

I am going to leave you with some truth talk from me to you: We cannot take ownership of the life path of others. When we raise our children, our goal is to make them healthy, happy, independent humans who are capable and confident. They cannot become this if we don’t give them the space. So as they mature, become the guide on the side, reveal to them that you are a human, too, who is just learning and growing. Create the distance between you that inspires confidence in them, and show them the kind of respect that will encourage them to become your greatest fan and source of support.

This is a gift you will give them, yourself, and the families they create.

Remember, you Motivate Me!